Authentic Power
Embracing our Inner Strength, Presence and Essential Essence
What is Authentic Power?
I have been asked this question frequently, given that the upcoming workshop has this in the title. Authentic Power is related to “be-ing” – the embodiment of your strength, presence, essential essence, and how you come to express that in the world.
When you start to heal the self-abandonment wound in your life, you return to your inner ground, separate being, and sense of self.
The self-abandonment wound started in childhood as an adaptive coping survival strategy. To feel safe and a sense of belonging, the focus became on what others needed and wanted, pleasing and striving to meet those needs, to be perfect in that endeavour, rather than connecting to one’s wants and needs and one’s soul self. The unconscious message is – “If they are okay, then I can be okay”. This comes at a high cost because the connection of your authentic wild and soul self was repressed.
Authenticity – Presence and Essential Essence
The word authentic is connected to the word author. How can I become the author of my own life? To live an authentic life is to live a life true to who you are, aligned to your values, desires, dreams, and deepest soul self.
Living authentically often necessitates saying ‘no’ to what no longer serves us. This means the hard work of setting boundaries, sitting with the discomfort of disappointing someone, and making a conscious choice to stop trying to meet the needs of others before our wants and needs.
Authentic power is embracing your separateness— you as an individual, embracing your ground, connected to your body, feelings, and essential essence. When we move into that energy more and more, embody it, and come to speak from that place within, it is a very calming, grounded, knowing place. That is what authentic power is. To “be”. Just as we are, without apology, connected to the wild soul self, our wisdom and authenticity.
What I find so interesting in writing this is thinking about who I have met who embodies this authentic power.
If you take a moment and reflect too on what it feels like to be in the presence of someone who has embraced that aspect of themselves. Imagine for a moment someone whom you feel is authentically themselves. What does it feel like to be in their presence? What does it feel like in your body? More times than not, at least, this is how I have felt; it feels calming.
When we are in the presence of someone who has accepted themselves, their shadows, light, and humanness give us permission to be and do the same. There is a peaceful ease in that. They are strong in their softness; they are strong in their vulnerability. They simply “are.” This permits us to let our guard down. This is authentic power.
The Self Abandonment Wound and Anger
This survival pattern of continually putting others first, as we have mentioned, is a trauma response. It is mainly unconscious. The unspoken, unconscious message is “If I meet your needs, then I will be safe, then I can relax”, and it also says, “If I work to meet your needs, I can control and manage my environment and thereby feel safe.”
This pattern of engagement dramatically impacts our relationship with ourselves and others, too. In this pattern, we try to be perfect rather than human. One of the challenges of this pattern is the anger and resentment that arise when our needs are not being met, when our soul selves are not seen, when we strangle the authentic expression of ourselves and squash it down into the body to please and be pleasing to others. Resentment, anger and rage are unconscious byproducts of this endeavour, so this anger comes out indirectly.
When we start to heal from this wounding, when we start to make it conscious, we typically begin to feel anger for what essentially never did get met when we were children. Whilst this is a part of the healing process, it can initially feel overwhelming. We need to harness that energy, as it were, and take accountability for it, for yes, what didn't get met, but also, the healing journey necessary to meet those needs now, in oneself.
To harness the anger into the assertive, authentic power that is needed. Set the boundaries that allow us to arrive into our authentic expression, individuality and give us space to begin the healing process.
Marion Woodman expressed this wonderfully in her book – “Coming Home to Myself” when she says:
“Deep rage is this: Nobody ever saw me. Nobody ever heard me. As long as I can remember, I’ve had to perform. When I tried to be myself, I was told ‘That’s not what you think, that’s not what you ought to do’. So, just like my mother and her mother, I put on a false face. My life became a lie. That is deep rage.”
So, the journey inward involves accessing and connecting to the vital energy of healthy anger and authentic power. Making this pattern conscious is difficult and takes hard work and practice because it is a survival mechanism cultivated and primed from childhood. Yet, it is vital on our path of individuation, and it is so worthwhile.
To engage in a meaningful life is to live true to who we are. Striving to live a conscious life improves our relationship with ourselves and, no doubt, with others too, and also, our turning to the world.
