Cultivating the Inner Touchstone
Returning to the Body: How to soothe and support your nervous system to heal.
When we were born, the first nervous system we attuned to was that of our parental figures. If we felt safe in their presence, that we belonged, if we felt loved, listened to, seen and valued, and supported in times of stress, then our nervous system learned to detect threats accurately, could adapt and respond to life stresses accordingly, with support. This gave us an inner template we could rely on, our nervous system had capacity, one cultivated from our caregivers. We had that inner touchstone.
This does not mean that childhood was free from any kind of stress. In fact, that is not the optimal condition for us either, as we need to learn to tolerate life’s stress as part of the human condition. It is more so that support was there to manage it. We had parents who also had the capacity to regulate their own nervous systems, so there was more capacity to learn to process our feelings and to come out of the threat mode.
If, for various reasons, this support was not there; if we felt unsafe often, perhaps our family was in chaos, our caregivers were overwhelmed and did not have that capacity for managing their own emotions, then our nervous system didn’t have the support needed to soothe and be regulated. The nervous system remained in states of overwhelm and under threat. When we hear the word trauma, what we mean is that a nervous system was overwhelmed and went into survival mode. This is where the body moves into fight, flight, freeze and fawn to stay safe.
It does not need a significant event for this to happen. It is more likely that the support isn't there to soothe, regulate, and process it.
This is problematic in adulthood. That survival mode pattern becomes deeply ingrained, keeping us stuck in anxiety and fear and patterns of behaviour that are not in support of our growth. It is largely unconscious. The nervous system is primed and focused on managing threats rather than growing. The neural connections signalling danger have strengthened and tend to dominate. Our nervous system seeks out familiar threats. This impacts how we engage with the world and remain disconnected from our authentic selves. We are habitually in survival mode, not growth mode.
Photo by Ken Williams
Moments of Respite - The Growing Nervous System
Our nervous system has a wonderful ability to adapt. The term for this is neuroplasticity. Our nervous system can, over time, learn new ways of engaging with the world and new pathways in the brain that are healthier and not primed for threat. To cultivate that in adulthood, we need to create new possibilities and experiences that teach our nervous system that we can experience ease and be outside of that habitual survival mode. We must support the nervous system in new ways to experience safety, respite, ease and rest.
This takes time, but when we consistently do this over time, our nervous system learns to feel safe. This is a wonderful gift for ourselves and for those around us. The window of tolerance expands, thereby reducing our hypersensitivity to danger and threat.
Our life expands, too, to have more moments of ease, contentment, joy and growth.
Rewiring the Nervous System
What supports the rewiring of our nervous system?
The word somatic means “in the body.” Returning to the body—the inner ground—is one of the most important things we can do as we begin to heal the nervous system and generate a greater window of tolerance for life experiences.
Nature is wonderful at supporting our nervous system's slowdown and bringing us into connection with our bodies. We need to go out into the world of nature and sense it.
Notice what it is like to connect to the solid ground at your feet. The earth at our feet. Feel the sensation in your body. When you are next outside, feel the sensation on the tips of your fingers of the bark of a nearby tree, reach out to the stone wall, and notice the texture on your fingertips or the full palm of your hand. Feel the breeze on your skin, gaze around, let your eyes take in the light and the colours, and breathe into your tummy. How does that feel? The textures of the natural world, the smell of a flower, the sounds of nature. This is deeply soothing to our nervous system. You are intentionally creating moments of respite for your nervous system.
Somatic Exercises
It is wonderful to begin building a routine of tuning into the body in small moments throughout the day. Here are some somatic exercises you can incorporate into your daily routine.
What are Somatic Exercises?
Somatic exercises are mindful movements that help you focus and tune into your body and its sensations. When we engage with our bodies, we are also cultivating body awareness. This is important as you embark on your journey to your embodied self. What am I noticing and feeling at this moment? This helps us become intentional in supporting our nervous system.
Unclench your jaw.
In this moment, bring awareness to any tightness you are holding in your jaw. Relax the tension. Gently create space between your teeth. Relax your tongue off the roof of your mouth. Notice what that feels like. (You may have an urge to yawn. This is a further release of tension.)
Shake your hands out.
Our hands also hold tension, which is not even something we are aware of. Now, at this moment, see what it is like as you shake your hands. Breathe into your tummy as you do so. Invite yourself, occasionally this week, to notice if you are clenching tight in your hands and fingers. Open your hands and shake them out. I suggest having moisturiser cream on your desk or within reach to remind you to attend mindfully to any tension in your hands.
Drop your shoulders down.
We often hold so much tension and chronic stress in our shoulders when our bodies are primed for threat. Our bodies habitually armour against threats, and that is often out of our awareness. We need to give permission to our muscles to soften and drop down. When we feel tense in our shoulders, symbolically, it is akin to carrying a burden. Notice what it is like to drop your shoulders down… and breathe as you do so.
Breathing into your belly.
Let your tummy rise and fall as you take three deep belly breaths. Our bellies often hold a lot of tension outside of our conscious awareness. When we are in survival mode, our breathing is usually shallow. This is a biological response to a threat. When we breathe into our belly it gives the nervous system a beautiful message, “this is not a dangerous situation”, this gives the nervous system another experience, that is aligned with ease and peace. Now, in this moment, as you read this, breathe into your tummy. Allow your tummy to rise and fall. Imagine, as your breath moves in and out of your belly, you are giving your belly a massage from the inside.
Going Slowly and Gently
Our nervous systems love things to go slowly. There is a deep-rooted wisdom in this. In the small daily habits, we truly return to our own selves, our bodies, our sensing and feeling selves, outside of survival mode. Daily, intentional engagement with your body, tuning inward in support of your nervous system, is a reparenting of yourself. In those small, quiet moments daily, of conscious, intentional support, you are returning home to the heart of yourself.
What a wonderful gift.
Interested to learn more?
Featured Online Course
We will focus on remembering the language of the body. We will explore our feelings and senses and how returning to our bodies helps cultivate our inner ground. This will allow us to begin the journey inward, where we will create a touchstone, an anchor, that supports us in feeling safe while we explore our inner world.
