The Inner Marriage of the Divine Feminine and Masculine
The Wounded Masculine and Feminine
We all have both Masculine and Feminine energy, irrespective of gender. This is sometimes called Yin and Yang, the Divine Masculine and Feminine or the Masculine and Feminine principles. How we embrace our Feminine and Masculine aspects within us is key to our individuation journey to become our authentic selves, towards a sense of wholeness.
When we have a Wounded Feminine and/or Masculine aspect, we can be stuck in a people-pleasing mode, disconnected from our own essence and core self, and often engaging with the world from that wounded place. We minimize our feelings and avoid asking for what we need.
A Wounded Feminine finds it difficult to connect to the healthy anger, assertion, and healthy aggression that allows us to show up in alignment. They fear other’s disapproval and disappointment, and anger is often indirectly and passively expressed. The Wounded Feminine might seek to control and manipulate their environment rather than express needs and wants clearly. The Wounded Feminine is withholding, and when we are in those wounded places, we are inclined to make ourselves small, self-sacrificing, disconnected, and lacking in belief in our true voice, authentic strength, and essence.
When we have a Wounded Masculine part, we can seek to assert power and dominance over the feminine “feeling” and emotional aspects of ourselves. The Wounded Masculine is dismissive, rejecting the strengths of the Feminine. We may find it difficult to make decisions or struggle to take decisive action. The critical inner voice dismisses emotions and revolves around a cycle of negative self-talk. The Wounded Masculine is closed to criticism, controlling and aggressive, withdraws and avoids, stuck in a busy mind, always chasing goals, and, as a result, struggles to find balance or presence.
Healthy Masculine and Feminine Energy
The healing journey is about meeting those wounded aspects of ourselves with conscious awareness and starting to cultivate an intentional relationship with them. Healthy Masculine energy is a beautiful thing. It is direct and projects outward with decisive, positive action; it secures, strengthens, and "has a giving nature." The “roll up your sleeves” aspect of yourself. The Healthy Masculine gets things done in the name of the creative Divine Feminine.
The Divine Masculine is logical, reasonable, action-focused, firm, purposeful, loyalty, adventurousness, strength, and rationality.
The Divine Feminine is what allows us to just "be." It allows us to take our time with observations. It is a flowing, trusting, flexible, open energy. Feminine energy is cyclical. It's directed inward, nurtures and assures, and "has a receiving nature".
The Divine Feminine is creative, playful, expressive, joyful, fun, light, sensual, and affectionate.
This is the energy that guides our intuition. The Divine Masculine is the energy that affirms us and supports the sacred Feminine to be seen and shine. The Masculine is the energy that ensures the time is created and carved out for the Feminine to rest. Be creative, and be. We need both in our lives. When we build both in our lives, cultivating a relationship with both, that is the marriage within.
The Inner Marriage
When the Inner Marriage is there, this balance of energy allows us to stand in our true, authentic power. There is a beautiful sense of presence, a metaphorical coming home to the self. A fuller sense of self is felt, where we accept ourselves in our human faults and failings. There is a self-acceptance that opens us up to receive and feel worthiness and love of self. We can let life in; we can receive.
The Masculine energy needs the Feminine’s beauty, presence, intuition, surrender and loving wisdom to flourish.
The Feminine energy needs the Masculine's direction, structure, scaffolding, and discipline to flourish.
Another way to think of this is that the Feminine is in the heart (feeling) aspect of ourselves and the Masculine in the mind (thinking) aspect of ourselves.
Robert Johnson spoke about this as sword energy:
“Each of us needs the sword power. There are times we need to be logical and analytical. At times we must be assertive and strong. But there are also times when neither logic nor force will avail; then we need to turn to the harp...When Tristan is wounded and the sword no longer serves him, he lays it down and takes up his harp...The harp is the lyrical, feeling side, corresponding to the inner feminine. With his harp power he shows feeling, expresses love, and makes relationship. The harp represents the power to develop a sense of values, to affirm what is good and true, to appreciate the beautiful; the harp enables a hero to put the sword in the service of a noble ideal...the harp enables us to journey on the seas of the unconscious.
To be complete, the hero must have both. Without the sword, the harp becomes ineffectual. But without the harp, the sword is reduced to egotistical brute force. People confuse these two powers more in relationship than in any other area of human life. We often hear a man and woman trying to "settle things" by arguing, criticizing each other, talking logic, poking holes in each other's arguments, splitting hairs. Then they wonder why all the spontaneous feeling of love and warmth has gone out of their marriage or their time together. These kinds of negotiations are always "sword" activity; people are talking sword talk.
The sword can not build relationship: it can't settle anything, it can't bind together. It can only rip apart. If you want to heal your relationship, build relationship, then you must learn to use the language of the harp. You must affirm the other person, express your love and feeling and devotion.”
- Robert Johnson, “We”.
We heal when we start to live authentically, stop pleasing others and return to our inner ground; we come to stand on the Earth, trusting and accepting ourselves as we are. Our authentic power is about presence, it is about having a relationship with our bodies, our emotions, our inner life.
This is what a journey inward is about.
Returning home to the heart and Soul of the self.
References: Robert Johnson (2009) “We” - Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love. Harper One Press 