What is the Mother Wound?
The mother goddesses were central in Irish Mythology. One of the goddesses, Danú, was the mother of the Tuatha de Danann (the supernatural race in Celtic mythology). She lived under the earth in the sídhe, the mounds and hills of Ireland. Danú was known as the earth mother, associated with the land's prosperity. She was associated with abundance, nature, the cycle of the seasons, and fertility. She was the keeper of the land. Many Celtic mythical mothers, such as Ernmas (mother to Ériú, Banba and Fódla), are all deeply connected to the land in Ireland. The name for Ireland, Éire, comes from the goddess Ériú.
Mother Wound
When I think about the connection to the land, I also think about the ground of our being. The very first relationship we had in this world was with our mother. The mother wound is a term that describes the emotional and psychological pain that arises from a disruption in the emotional bond with one’s parental figure, one’s mother. It refers to the long-lasting effects of those unmet emotional needs and how that can impact our relationship with ourselves and others around us. This pattern is often intergenerational, passed down from mother to child down the centuries. It affects us deeply as we find it challenging to arrive into our own separate ground or to have a connection to our emotions or feel safe to do so. This can interrupt our expression of ourselves in the world.
In this wounding, there was a lack of emotional safety with our attachment figure, which prevents us from learning how to soothe and regulate our emotions. It also means we don’t have a sense of our separate selves and don't feel safe standing in our separate ground, giving permission for our expression, and living our own journey of individuation.
Parentification
Emotional Boundary Between Self and Other
Sometimes, in this wounding, there is no emotional boundary then between child and mother or, indeed, later on, adult child and mother relationship. This is called emotional enmeshment. Perhaps this meant you were a confidante to your mother as a child, someone she leaned on for emotional support. You took on the emotional burden of that in childhood and worked hard to meet the needs of adults to feel safe—a role far beyond what a child can do.
There is no boundary between your feelings and your mother’s feelings. If your mother was sad, then you felt the weight of that sadness. Perhaps as a child, you looked after your mother’s emotional well-being or felt the burden of needing to tend to her needs and forgo your own. The parental roles were reversed, and you were more in the parent role. This is called parentification.
In your adult life, you don’t feel free to go about your separate life without feeling guilt and betrayal. There is a place where one often experiences anxiety. You yearn for love unconditionally, but there is a sense that whatever you do, it is not enough. To be successful in your life, especially ones your mother was unable to achieve in her own life, fill you with feelings of betrayal and anxiety. Unconsciously, there is a fear of going beyond where your mother went, as it might mean being abandoned and shut out. This is a symptom of the Mother Wound.
Other Signs of a Mother Wound
You minimise and make little of your own experiences and feelings.
You tend to fill the well of others before your own.
You find it difficult to express yourself creatively, often feeling stuck and shut down.
Finding it difficult to establish one’s separate ground, one’s own individual identity, from one’s mother.
Comparison - not feeling good enough, often being compared and comparing oneself to others.
Self-blaming and a very punitive internal self-critic.
Feelings of guilt and shame for wanting more and having more than one’s mother or ancestors had.
Concerns about not being loved by your mother or not being loved as much as other siblings or family members.
Difficulties in relating to the mother on an emotional level.
You feel like a burden to others and ‘too much’.
You struggle to love yourself and your body and often feel disconnected from your body.
Self-sabotage and self-betrayal - always wanting to please and be pleasing and accommodating at the expense of yourself and often fearing any judgement from others.
Avoiding conflict to “keep the peace”.
You were pulled into arguments and took on the role of mediator and counsellor as a child.
Difficulty in trusting oneself and expressing one’s true feelings and authentic self.
Healing the Mother Wound
Making this wounding conscious involves creating new emotional boundaries, which is part of this healing path. This isn't easy, at least at first. Growing up, we needed space to be our own person and to feel emotionally safe to be so. We needed space, nurturance, and autonomy, and these are now what we need to bring more and more into our lives as adults. Tending to this in adulthood is part of the journey towards healing the Mother Wound.
Coming into the ground of one’s own being is the work of individuation. When we embrace the mother archetype, in her positive aspects, nurturing, loving, safe, secure and compassionate - these traits help us to meet the energy of the negative mother archetype, which can be devouring and possessive, judging and not compassionate or the service of growth. This is the deeper work of healing this wound. Jung recognised the complexity of this archetype when he described the great mother as ‘the loving and the terrible mother’.
So, we need to come to know those aspects in our own story. Returning to the ground of our being in nurturing support of our less-than-perfect, human, and separate selves is the unfolding journey and task of individuation.
Returning to the Well
Healing the Mother Wound - Mother Archetype & the Celtic Spirit
BEGINS FEBRUARY 1 2025
Join me, Eileen Ní Shuilleabháin (Sullivan), as we return to the well, to the Mother Archetype, and to finding that nurturing Mother energy within through the lens of Depth Psychology, Psychotherapy, Mythology and the ancient Gaelic World.
This four-month program engages with the Celtic world and spirit. It is set up so you will have weekly content to explore in digestible amounts, mixed in with a monthly LIVE workshop to explore the concept with the group. Each month builds upon the next, exploring another aspect of the Mother Archetype and allowing you to fully experience, reflect, learn and heal from the mother wounds in your life.
