What might it be like to connect with our soul self, to feel safe to say ‘no’, and to begin to believe that we are worthy of love and care?

Many of us carry wounds and trauma from childhood. Through our developmental years, sometimes, the natural rhythm of our nervous system was in a state of overwhelm, and our innate survival mechanism (our limbic system) was activated to keep us safe. This becomes difficult in adulthood when this survival mode becomes locked in the body as memory due to inadequate or unavailable support to process it. The survival pattern becomes deeply ingrained, keeping us stuck in anxiety and fear and patterns of behaviour that are not in support of our growth. It can make us feel disconnected from the world, others and especially our authentic selves.

Self-abandoning is one such survival mechanism or coping strategy. We begin to place the needs of others before our own to try to maintain connection, acceptance and validation to feel safe. We practised this survival mechanism, which has been perfected since childhood and can often be outside our awareness, leading us to abandon the heart of ourselves, our authentic selves. When we overvalue the needs of others before our own, we erode our sense of self and worth. The core of this wound holds the unconscious belief that “I am not worthy of love and care”.

We self-abandon when we ignore our inner voice, are highly self-critical, and find it difficult to set boundaries and say ‘no’. We self-abandon when we minimize our feelings and avoid asking for what we need. We are hyper-vigilant of others, watching for any change in mood, feeling that another person’s moods are our fault and our job to fix. We are frequently in states of anxiety and not at ease.

We imagine we will be abandoned in close, intimate relationships. When we deny our needs in relationships, we can feel (sometimes unconsciously) very resentful and hurt, and this is communicated indirectly in a myriad of ways that can erode trust and safety in relationships. We can also feel shame for having needs, leading to resentment. There is a shame about feeling ‘too much’ and ‘not enough’. This erodes relationships and basic self-trust.

Living a self-abandoning life is highly stressful on a day-to-day basis. There is no capacity to feel at ease or to relax. There is no space to drop down into our creative heart centre in the body, to ‘play’ and feel the flow of life through us. There is no space to feel contentment and the fullness of life around us. Instead, we are locked in fear, self-doubt, hypervigilance, and shame.

Together, we will explore how self-abandonment patterns manifest in your life. We will help you become self-aware and provide ways to support and resource yourself to begin healing.